Topics of the day:
1. Moths <Punny>
2. An ancient Chinese humor (off. to dumb people)
3. A funny little story <v. mild language>
4. NAIVETY <ADULT> (APOLOGY:MAY BE UPPER CASE)
5. Windows TP (#2)
6. Drunken Drivers
7. Cartoon Laws of Physics (part 1 of 2)
8. True life...sexual
9. joke enclosed
10. Bathroom humor <off. to gays>
11. off. to hummungbirds?
12. pothead story
13. Warrantee Information
14. Bank robbery <may be offensive to gays, but I doubt it>
15. Smile! <adult themes>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 00:01:57 -0400
From: Gene Child <GeneChild@AOL.COM>
Subject: Moths <Punny>
RACCOON COATS
Back in the roaring 20's raccoon coats were the rage, especially among the
college set in the ivy league schools. Just any raccoon coat wouldn't do. It
had to be a full length duster almost reaching the floor to really be in
style.
John, a young man with a very rich but miserly father who was entering his
freshman year at Harvard was surprised to learn when he moved into the dorm
that he just couldn't fit in without a raccoon coat. He pleaded with his
father that he just had to have a raccoon coat or would never make it at
school. After several letters back and forth his father agreed to purchase a
beautiful coat on one condition. The condition was that the coat must not be
damaged in any way during the next four years. If there was any damage to
the coat at all after four years the John would be disinherited and have to
go find a job on his own. He would not be allowed to join the father in his
very prosperous business. John quickly agreed to the conditions without
thinking of the implications.
The father bought the best raccoon coat money could buy, then had several
members of his staff count the number of hairs on the coat. They found there
were exactly 1,524,203 hairs. A second group of staff members recounted and
confirmed there were 1,524,203 hairs. The coat was then carefully sealed in
a package and sent off to Harvard with a note informing the John of the hair
count.
When John received the coat he was overjoyed that his ostracism by his
fellow students was soon to end. Then he read the enclosed letter. He
showed the coat to all his friend but was afraid to wear it under any
circumstances for fear of damaging it in some manner. After everyone had
seen the coat he resealed it in its box and placed it on the shelf in his
closet. He often showed the coat to new friends but could never work up the
courage to wear it until his senior year.
Harvard was playing Yale for the conference championship in football. He
bought 9 tickets to the game- 3 seats behind his, the seats to either side,
and the three seats in front. He was going to be damned sure no one spilled
drink or mustard on his beloved coat. He didn't enjoy the game at all
because of his concern for his coat. Immediately after the game he returned
the coat to the closet where it had been for three years after carefully
spending several hours recounting the hairs. All 1,524,203 were intact but
after such a tedious job he made a mistake. He didn't reseal the bag in
which he had been storing the coat these many years.
During the night a campus moth crawled under the door of the closet,
fluttered up onto the box and crawled inside. He had a feast but being a
small moth one hair was all his tiny stomach could hold. He emerged from the
box, fluttered from the closet and flew up onto the light fixture to get warm
and have a nap.
The next day the hapless student decided to recheck the hair-count. It
took him hours but when finished he knew he was in trouble. There were only
1,524,202 hairs. He wailed in despair at the top of his lungs. All his
fraternity brothers came running into the room expecting the worst. John
recounted the whole story about his fathers conditions and his impending
fate. In all the commotion the little moth asleep on the light fixture
awakened. He listened to the story in amazement . As the whole story
unfolded the moth became terribly sad-
Have you ever seen a moth bawl?
Addendum to the book "Shaggy Dogs Have Punny Tales"
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 00:16:40 -0400
From: Bo Peng <bo@SAAVIK.CEM.MSU.EDU>
Subject: An ancient Chinese humor (off. to dumb people)
This man got a fortune of 300 ounces of silver. He wouldn't trust it to
anything. Finally he decided to bury the silver in his backyard. Upon
finishing, he wanted to be extra-cautious. He put up a sign on the site:
"There ain't no 300 ounces of silver buried here!"
Aer, the guy living next door, was watching all along as the man was
busy burying the silver. So he sneaked in afterwards and took it all away.
Determined not to be caught, he put up a sign besides the old one:
"Aer the neighbor didn't steal it"
Bo, who didn't post nothing.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 01:06:53 -0600
From: "M. Zaiem Beg" <zbeg@ALPHA.PR1.K12.CO.US>
Subject: A funny little story <v. mild language>
Attached is some correspondence which actually occurred between a London
hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted
this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three
in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from
her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of
your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only
the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave
3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Maid,
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you
about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to
my room this evening I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my
medicine cabinet.
I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf.
They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which
we are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in your
way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the
Dial in the medicine cabinet for yourconvenience. I didn't remove the 3
complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for
all new check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last
Monday.
Please let me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M. that you
called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I
have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies
for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please contact me
so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM.
Thank you.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530 or 6PM. That's the reason I
called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little
bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new
check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine
cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bath-room shelf. In
just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you
doing this to me?
S. Berman
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your
room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please
call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room
including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call
the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap
problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The
situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the
inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Assistant Manager
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of
Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them removed.
Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3
Camays you are supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything about the4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned
your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.
I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I
was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory.
As of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size
Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are
neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4
have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window sill is not
in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more
item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which I am keeping
in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
Later Dingleberry,
Matt
------------------------------
Date: Sat, 8 May 1915 10:56:36 LCL
From: BEN SHAUL <UO516@IBMVM.HAI.IEC.CO.IL>
Subject: NAIVETY <ADULT> (APOLOGY:MAY BE UPPER CASE)
THIS GAY WAS LOOKING FOR A YOUNG NAIVE BRIDE,SO HE DECIDE
THAT THE FIRST QUESTION TO THE GIRL WILL BE "DO YOU KNOW
"WHAT THIS IS" POINTING HIS PIPE.
"WHAT IS THIS" INQUIRE THE GAY.
"THIS IS A PIN" REPLY THE GIRL.
"WHAT IS THIS" ASKED THE SECOND.
"THIS IS YOUR PISTOL" REPLY.
THE THIRD ONE LOCK AGAIN AND AGAIN THEN SAY "I DON'T HAVE AN
IDEA".SO HE DECIDE SHE IS THE ONE HE'LL TAKE TO BE HIS WIFE.
IN THE HONEYMOON HE STOOD AGAINST HER DROPS HIS
PYJAMAS AND SAYS "YOU SEE,THIS IS A PIN,PISTOL,SHMOKE"
THE YOUNG GIRL START LAUGH "THIS IS A SHMOK,HA HA,THIS IS A SHMOK?"
===============================================================
SORRY,SYS.LIMIT,MAY BE IN UPPER CASE.NOT OFFENSIVE OR SHOUTING!
===============================================================
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 06:39:58 -0400
From: Larry Scott <scott@BUFFNET.NET>
Subject: Windows TP (#2)
MICROSOFT FILES TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT LAWSUIT
----------------------------------------------
REDMOND, WA (APR. 27) BUSINESS WIRE - Microsoft Corp.
announced today that they have filed a trademark infringement lawsuit
against Kimberly-Clark Paper Company. The lawsuit claims that
Kimberly-Clark has knowingly violated trademark laws in their
introduction of Windows TP line of paper products.
The lawsuit names four separate products from Kimberly-Clark: The
Windows TP Quilted for home use and the discerning business, The Windows
TP Non-Quilted quality bargain brand for general business and office
use, The Windows TP "Floppy" Roughness for extended shelf life, and the
Windows TP "CD-ROM" Recycled Waterproof Roughness for schools and
backpackers.
Kimberly-Clark has acknowledged the lawsuit. In a written statement
to the press, a spokesperson for Kimberly-Clark said, "Our product and
computer software are unrelated. While it may be said that both
Microsoft's product and ours have similar uses, we believe that they are
sufficiently different that both can maintain the Windows TP name
without infringement."
A Microsoft spokesperson said, "Our Windows TP product was conceived
in the exact same place where the Kimberly-Clark product will be used,
and thus is in clear violation of trademark laws. Also, every restroom
facility already has a 'Window' in it, and more of these facilities are
moving to computer automation.
"We feel that our Windows TP operating system will be in millions of
bathrooms within the next year, and there are enough brands of TP out on
the market already without adding another which clearly violates
Microsoft's trademark."
REDMOND, WA (APR. 29) - Business Day
"Mr. Gates has no intention of deifying himself" a Microsoft
spokesperson reassured an anxious delegation of meditators to-day.
"It is traditional for the development team of a Microsoft product to
include their names and bitmaps in the product. These bitmaps are only
made visible through the activation of a 'backdoor' - an unusual
combination of keystrokes.
"In the case of TPW (the telepathic version of Windows) the beta
waves generated by the meditation activated the word 'beta' embedded in
the version number contained in the code. This in turn triggered the
release of the bitmap of Mr Gates", the spokesperson ended.
From the explanation given by the delegation it appears that the
sudden appearance of the image of Mr 'Bill' Gates led several of the
less experienced meditators to believe that they had been made privy to
the appearance of the next saviour of the world.
When asked if this problem would be corrected before the product was
released, the Microsoft spokesperson said that it was not official
policy to comment on unreleased products.
MAJOR BUG WITH VB-TP DURING COMPILATION
---------------------------------------
REDMOND, WA (APR. 30) BUSINESS WIRE - Microsoft Corp. announced today
that if you thought about the program at all before creating the EXE
file, it would fail.
Instead you need to carefully think of only the file name and the
concept of compilation in order to get it to compile correctly. It seems
that the design mode environment does not clean up after all the stray
thoughts.
MS technical support is recommending taking a cold shower during file
compilation in order to remain distracted enough for it to work
correctly. As an interim bug fix, all VB packages are currently being
shipped with a towel.
Reports of users getting severe migraines when double-clicking too
often with the MindMouse are unconfirmed. As an interim bug fix, all
MindMouse double-clicks should be performed with Metallica playing in
the background.
Aluminum foil around the head seems to work, but it doesn't look too
attractive. It also adds a whole new meaning to Metallica; but prevents
the low-level radiation from the user's Walkman from interfering with
the synapse-Windows interface.
(Originally from Dave Coble)
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 11:39:47 GMT
From: Kuno Sandholzer <k.sand@MAGNET.AT>
Subject: Drunken Drivers
-------------------------------------------------
17 percent of all car-crashes are caused by drunken
drivers. So *83 percent* of all crashes are caused by
not-drunken drivers. Why can*t this sober guys stay
off the streets and help us increase the safety of our
car-traffic by mor than 400 percent?
--------------------------------------------------
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 08:30:50 -0400
From: Gwen Eckman <fool@CHOPIN.UDEL.EDU>
Subject: Cartoon Laws of Physics (part 1 of 2)
Cartoon Laws of Physics
-----------------------
Cartoon Law I
=============
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its
situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters
in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At
this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes
over.
Cartoon Law II
==============
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters
are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize
boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called
this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
===============
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming
to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty
of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who
are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a
house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or
matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
==============
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral
down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.
Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it
inevitably unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
=============
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's
signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a
chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a
character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch
the ground, especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
==============
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.
This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's
head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several
places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that
are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of
self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to
achieve the velocity required.
Cartoon Law VII
===============
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.
This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it
is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an
opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The
painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the
painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 10:59:29 EST
From: JOHN STONE <JSTONE@LETTERKENN-EMH2.ARMY.MIL>
Subject: True life...sexual
E-mail from a friend of mine last friday.......
A true encounter in a bar.........
I meet this cute twentysomething last weekend and she said to me, "do
you want to see my tatoo?" I said yes, so she pulls on her shorts so I
can see down the front and said "do you see it, it's a tatoo of a mouse".
I'm staring down her shorts, you know just for the sake of humor, and I
could not see a tatoo. I told her, "I don't see a tatoo of a mouse". She
looks me in the eye and said " Oh, my pussy must have eaten it!"
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 11:58:22 EDT
From: Ann Dellarocco <anndell@RDZ.STJOHNS.EDU>
Subject: joke enclosed
____________________________________
Date: May 8, 1995
From: Ann Dellarocco (anndell@rdz.stjohns.edu
Re: Medical Convention (off-color to some)
At a medical convention in Switzerland a group of doctors were
talking.
A german doctor said that medicine in his country was so advanced
that they would take a heart out of one person, put it in another
and have the patient out looking for work in two weeks.
A Russian doctor said that medicine in his country was so
advanced
that they could take a liver from a monkey, transplant it in a
human and have the patient out looking for work in one week.
A French doctor said that medicine in his country was so advanced
that they could take a kidney from a cow, put it in a human, and
have the patient out looking for work in three days.
An American doctor said that medicine in his country was so
advanced that they could take an asshole out of Arkansas, put him
in the White House, and have 50 million people out looking for
work
the next day.
-end-
_____________________________________
--
Ann Dellarocco
Internet: anndell@rdz.stjohns.edu
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 11:36:53 CST
From: "Rowdy K. Welch" <RWELCH@WTAMU-COMPUTER-CENTER.WTAMU.EDU>
Subject: Bathroom humor <off. to gays>
Remember the old "Trix are for kids" commercials?
Seen on bathroom wall:
"Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks!"
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 13:11:02 -0400
From: Jack Tanner <Fatjac@AOL.COM>
Subject: off. to hummungbirds?
Did you hear about the oversexed hummingbird? Well, this little hummingbird
was just tearing up all the lady hummingbirds. Finally there was just no
satisfaction there anymore so he graduated to the wrens. Then the robins.
Then pigeons, hawks, eagles. Still unsatisfied he went on to the mammals,
mice, then prairie dogs, sheep, cattle, horses. This little hummingbird was
truly insatiable.
One day flying over the jungle he spots this cow elephant walking through the
bush and he says to himself " Ah! The piece de resistance." and dives.
Just as he hits her she steps on a big thorn and lets out a terrible trumpet.
The hummingbird flies around to her ear and says " Gee honey, I'm sorry. Did
I hurt you?"
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 14:30:00 EST
From: "Wall, David K." <dkw0@NIOSHE2.EM.CDC.GOV>
Subject: pothead story
Two guys were standing next to the edge of a highway, both of them
stoned. As they were standing there, a car ZOOMed by at high speed.
While the wind of its passage was still blowing their hair, one of them
turned to the other and said, "Man! I thought he'd NEVER leave!"
[I guess it's funny only if you know that marijuana can distort a person's
sense of time. Maybe it's not funny even then. :-) ]
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 16:37:40 EDT
From: Brian McInturff <turf@GELAC.LASC.LOCKHEED.COM>
Subject: Warrantee Information
Sent to me by a former McAir employee:
McDonnell Douglas
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name____________________Initial____Last Name_________________________
Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________
Altitude________________________Password, Code Name, Etc.__________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
_F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-19A Stealth _Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
4. Serial Number____________________
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
_Received as Gift/Aid Package
_Catalog Showroom
_Sleazy Arms Broker
_Mail Order
_Discount Store
_Government Surplus
_Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you
have just purchased:
_Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store Display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by Manufacturer
_Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
_Style/Appearance
_Kickback/Bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/Maneuverability
_Comfort/Convenience
_McDonnell Douglas Reputation
_Advanced Weapons Systems
_Price/Value
_Back-Room Politics
_Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
_North America
_Central/South America
_Aircraft Carrier
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third-World Countries
_Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase
in the near future:
Product Own Intend to purchase
Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer Satellite
CD Player
Air-to-Air Missiles
Space Shuttle
Home Computer
Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all
that apply:
_Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed (Islamic)
_Crazed (Other)
_Neutral
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt (Latin American)
_Corrupt (Other)
_Primitive/Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
_Cash
_Suitcases of Cocaine
_Oil Revenues
_Deficit Spending
_Personal Check
_Credit Card
_Ransom Money
_Traveler's Check
12. Occupation You Your Spouse
Homemaker
Sales/Marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle Management
Eccentric Billionaire
Defense Minister/General
Retired
Student
13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate
the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
participating on a regular basis:
Activity/Interest You Your Spouse
Golf
Boating/Sailing
Sabotage
Running/Jogging
Propaganda/Disinformation
Destabilizing/Overthrow
Default on Loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black Market/Smuggling
Collectibles/Collections
Watching Sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/Torture
Household Pets
Crushing Rebellions
Espionage/Reconnaissance
Fashion Clothing
Border Disputes
Mutually Assured Destruction
Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
Douglas serve you better in the future -- as well as allowing you to
receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments,
extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO 55500
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 15:56:12 -0500
From: James Thorson <jthorson@CWIS.UNOMAHA.EDU>
Subject: Bank robbery <may be offensive to gays, but I doubt it>
Two ruffians burst into the bank with guns drawn. They're big, rough,
mean looking men. The first blurts out: "This is a hold up! We're going
to rape the men and rob the women!"
His partner says, "You've mixed it up. We're going to rob the men and
rape the women."
From the back of the bank comes the voice of a gay cashier: "Oh shut up!
Who made _you_ boss?"
**************************************************************************
Jim Thorson A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
**************************************************************************
------------------------------
Date: Mon, 8 May 1995 20:01:40 EDT
From: MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: Smile! <adult themes>
What do a camera and a condom have in common? Both of them can
"capture that special moment". Lyle's Joke Boutique.
------------------------------
End of HUMOR Digest - 7 May 1995 to 8 May 1995
**********************************************