Topics of the day:
1. Why ask why?
2. TOP TEN LIST - Tue 1/17/95
3. The REAL BOFH #16 <cruelty by help desk operator>
4. Birth Of The BOFH (4 of 6) <cruelty by help desk operator>
5. <No subject given> (2)
6. A bug story
7. Humor: And now a musical interlude....
8. CRUDE JOKES #2 <OFFENSIVE TO THOSE WHO MIGHT BE OFFENDED>
9. Tennis ball
10. Sexual Jokes (minor offensive?)
11. Fox Rock-N-Roll Skating Championships
12. You Know You're Going to Have a Bad Day
13. FW: There is justice!
14. Horticulture <one bad word>
15. Quotations
16. Vehicles to cruise the Infobahn
17. Humor: Interviews
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 01:03:24 -0500
From: Jennifer Schmidt <JenSch@AOL.COM>
Subject: Why ask why?
I got this in a chain letter this weekend. I'll probably go to hell for
stripping the headers off and posting it here, but it really is very funny,
and hopefully you'll find it was worth it. Supposedly, it originated in the
Netherlands, but can you really trust someone who starts a chain letter?
:)Jennifer Schmidt
JenSch@aol.com
= - = - = - = - = - = - = - =
WHY ASK WHY
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and
drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the
doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height,
what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn
on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the
package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment,
but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why
can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down
the volume on the radio?
Did you know who in 1923 was:
1. President of the largest steel company?
2. President of the largest gas company?
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?
4. Greatest wheat speculator?
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement?
6. Great Bear of Wall Street?
These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful
men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 55 years
later, do you know what has become of these men?
1. The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
2. The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.
3. The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison
to die at home.
4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
5. The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide.
The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene
Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still playing
golf and is solvent.
CONCLUSION: STOP WORRYING ABOUT BUSINESS AND START PLAYING GOLF!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 00:29:52 -0500
From: Sue Trowbridge <trow@CHARM.NET>
Subject: TOP TEN LIST - Tue 1/17/95
> From New York: No responsibility for property lost or stolen ...
it's THE TOP TEN LIST for Tuesday, January 17, 1995. And now,
your television pal ... David Letterman!
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
TOP TEN DALLAS COWBOY EXCUSES
10. Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills
9. Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John
Madden's announce booth
8. Trying to make one of Marv Albert's blooper reels
7. Our friends on New York Jets convinced us: "Winning's no big
deal"
6. Worried sick about Letterman botching the Academy Awards
5. Those big guys on other team kept trying to knock us down
4. Who needs all the pressure of a Super Bowl? Not us, Lonnie!
3. Felt weird after eating bloody clams [During a "Supermarket
Finds" segment, Dave displayed a can of bloody clams]
2. What a time to notice -- them cheerleader outfits is skimpy!
1. Tired of going to Disneyland
[Music: "I'm a Loser" by the Beatles]
Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
----------------------------------------
LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
on the CBS Television Network
----------------------------------------
On Wednesday's show, Dave welcomes
... actor/comedian STEVE HARVEY
... singer PETE DROGE
Brought to you by Yoyodyne Entertainment, where the future begins
tomorrow. For details on our online games, send email to
info@yoyo.com.
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1995 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.
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------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 02:13:00 EST
From: Jeff Guinzburg <JEFF+la+rISI%ISINT@MCIMAIL.COM>
Subject: The REAL BOFH #16 <cruelty by help desk operator>
MHS: Source date is: 18-Jan-95 2:14 EDT
THE BASTARD OPERATOR FROM HELL #16
Next morning, I get in about 2pm and find that I have three departmental
memos about the status of other stuff that is in the Computer Room that has
been "incorrectly inventoried" as "Awaiting Repair" (The shithead
technician has been leaking privileged information in an effort to score
the secretary again - A tragic shame, I used to quite like him..) with a
note from the Big Boss authorizing the secretary to investigate. Attached
to all that is a note from the secretary herself stating that to action
this she requires a 24 hour access key to the Computer Room.
ONCE AGAIN I realize that letting things slide never pays off. I look up
the secretary's RS232, Ethernet, Appletalk and Phone port numbers and yank
them from the comms rack. What the hell, I kick the circuit breakers to her
power points and lighting too while I'm at it. Then I strip off some mains
cable & plug it in..
The phone rings a couple of minutes later.
"WHAT'S HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!" the secretary screeches at me.
"Your room?" I say, in a pleasant and innocent manner, using caller ID to
track down the room she's in. Ah! Just down the corridor
"Yes, MY ROOM! The power's gone off and everything is dead"
"Oh dear. What were you doing when the power went off? Perhaps you did
something stupid?"
"I did NOT! I was working on *my* PC!"
The way she says "*my*" is really getting to annoy me.
"You were working on *your* PC?" I say, reflectively.
"Yes!" She snarls
"Not your *own* *very personal* computer?"
"Yes.." She doesn't know what I'm getting at yet.
And now I exercise the basic law of Bastard Operating which roughly says,
Bastard Operators don't just win. Anyone can win. Bastard Operators win and
totally DEMORALIZE. That's *real* winning.
"I hope you switched your machine off before you called"
"Why?" she barks, a little uncertain.
"Well, it's just that personal property isn't covered by the site insurance
policy. Why, if there was a power surge, heaven knows WHAT could happen to
an expensive piece of delicate *personal* machinery like..."
I hear her place the receiver down *very* quietly and sprint on tippy toe
to the door. As I repeatedly toggle her circuit breaker I start thinking
about what I'll be watching on video this afternoon... Still on the phone,
I hear a bang way in the background which probably means her pc has shit
itself...
10 minutes later the phone in the control room. It's the secretary, and she
sounds a little stressed. I manage to translate her sporadic outbursts
into a request that her lines be connected to her terminal. I tell her they
are, and has she got the technician to look at it. She hangs up.
No sense of humor.
10 minutes later still, the technician rings up and tells me all the
secretaries lines are dead. I tell him I'll check them out, then plug her
Ethernet, phone and Appletalk back in. Which leaves RS232...
Another 10 minutes later I'm startled out of my snooze by the phone. It's
the technician still greasing the secretary by being super-efficient.
He tells me the RS232 still isn't working. I make some excuse about dry
joints on the plug etc, and ask him to put a new plug on the cable. I hear
the >snip!< as he clips the old plug off, and the receiver rattle as he
starts to strip the wire in a manly way with his teeth. Then I connect the
mains cable to my end of the RS232.
As soon I hear the ">ERRRRRREEEERRKKK!<" coming down the receiver at me, I
know that the "incorrect inventory" problem won't be repeated.
Another problem solved by the Bastard Operator from Hell
It's a dirty, filthy, stinking dog-kill-dog job, but someone's got to enjoy
it
NOTE: Please see the first part of the Birth Of The BOFH series for info on
the author and intermediaries.
Best Regards, Jeff.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 02:14:00 EST
From: Jeff Guinzburg <JEFF+la+rISI%ISINT@MCIMAIL.COM>
Subject: Birth Of The BOFH (4 of 6) <cruelty by help desk operator>
MHS: Source date is: 18-Jan-95 2:15 EDT
I'm still bored.
But at least now the radio's off, it was on it's 12th repeat of
"Wildfire" THIS WEEK, and it's only Tuesday; shit I hate that.
So anyway, I quicklime the engineer to remove any fingerprints and then
FedEx him back to headquarters and set about waiting for the engineer.
Now the second engineer only has to come out after another 4 hours, there's
no death of engineer penalty clause, (but I'm thinking about asking for
one) so I've got to fill in some time. This guy's going to be a technical
engineer, the sort that comes in with a raggedy tie where he got it caught
in the drum printer at 3000 rpm a couple of years ago, and he'll have the
grazes on the face that indicate that he didn't get the gate open in
time... I know these sorts...
So I fill in a couple of hours by killing users off and deleting their
files, then waiting for them to call...
"Um, I can't find my files" the wimpering simp on the phone says.
"Files? What files?"
"The files in my account. My thesis, my research - all gone!"
"Gone ay? What's your username?"
"TURGEN"
"TROJAN?! LIKE THE CONDOM?"
"No TURGEN. T-U-R"
"OH Turgen, like TURD, but with a GEN instead of a D... Ok lets see"
I make vague clicking noises my dragging the quicklimed man's fingers back
and forth across the keypad.
"Uh-huh" >drag drag< "Yeah.." >dragedy poke< "AH! - You haven't got any
files"
"I KNOW!"
"Well, what are you calling ME for? We don't make the files you know, we
just look after them. And chopitty-chop too, your thesis looks like it's
due in a couple of days.."
NOTE: Please see the first part for info on the author and intermediaries.
Best Regards, Jeff.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 16:50:17 JST
From: mike mcmurray <DSMMN2@JPNKIT.BITNET>
Subject: <No subject given>
QUERY HUMOR
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 10:36:13 +0200
From: Altar Ariel <altara@TECHUNIX.TECHNION.AC.IL>
Subject: A bug story
Once there was a man who has complained to his a friend about troubles
with lots of roaches he had in his house. The smart friend suggested
him to convince his roaches to declare war against the roaches of the
neighbour, and during the expected fights they'll perish for sure.
One week later the friends have met again. The one with the roaches
problem was even more concerned than before.
- What wrong you? asked his friend.
- Well, you surely remember that advice you gave me last week. My roaches
had really declared war against those of the neighbours'.
- So what's the problem?
- They have won the war and they've brought back prisoners.
ariel
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 03:56:00 EST
From: Jeff Guinzburg <JEFF+la+rISI%ISINT@MCIMAIL.COM>
Subject: <No subject given>
MHS: Source date is: 18-Jan-95 3:56 EDT
FORWARDED MESSAGE from mike mcmurray (DSMMN2%JPNKIT.BITNET@uga.cc.uga.edu})
at 95/01/18 16:50
MM> QUERY HUMOR
***** NOTES from Jeff Guinzburg (JEFF @ ISI) at 95/01/18 03:52
Mike, just a reminder: QUERY messages need to go to the "listserv"
address, NOT the "HUMOR" address.
ObHumor:
Beans, beans, good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel.
So, eat beans at every meal.
Best Regards, Jeff.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 08:55:10 -0400
From: JBologna James Bologna <JBOLOGNA@BENTLEY.EDU>
Subject: Humor: And now a musical interlude....
(Another dug up from the archives - thanks to Mark Maimone)
TRN, TRN, TRN
(or FOR EVERYTHING THERE IS A NEWSGROUP)
For everything, trn, trn, trn
There is a newsgroup, trn, trn, trn
And a thread for every subject under heaven
A thread to be born, a thread to die
A thread for excess, a thread for control-X
A thread to kill, a thread to read
A thread for a laugh, a thread for a weep
A thread to follow up, a thread to fork off
A thread to advance, a thread to scoff
A thread to cast away .sigs
A thread to gather .sigs together
A thread of love, a thread of hate
A thread of flames, a thread of peace
A thread you may encode
A thread to refrain from encoding
A newsgroup to gain, a newsgroup to lose
A thread neverending, a thread anew
A thread you love, a thread you hate
A time to unsubscribe, I swear it's not too late
- - - - -
Many thanks to the lyrics WAIS server (cs.uwp.edu) for
the original, sung by Judy Collins on her Third Album!!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 09:48:59 EST
From: AMY ALLISON <AALLISON@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
Subject: CRUDE JOKES #2 <OFFENSIVE TO THOSE WHO MIGHT BE OFFENDED>
WHAT DO YOU CALL A COW THAT'S HAD AN ABORTION? Decalfinated
WHY DON'T CHICKENS WEAR UNDERWEAR? Because their peckers are on their faces.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIMPLE ON A POLLOCK'S ASS? A brain tumor.
HOW DO YOU TELL WHICH IS THE HEAD NURSE? The one with dirty knees.
HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE NEW ORIENTAL COOKBOOK? 101 Ways to Wok Your Dog.
WHY DON'T MEXICANS BARBEQUE? Because the beans keep slipping through the grill.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A MEXICAN BAPTISM? Bean Dip.
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A MEXICAN WITH AN ORIENTAL? A car theif who
can't drive.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR KOTEX CATCHES FIRE? Throw it on the floor and tampon
it.
WHAT'S INVISIBLE AND SMELLS LIKE CARROTS? Bunny farts.
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING DOESN'T BELONG: MEAT, EGGS, WIFE, BLOW JOB? Blow job,
beacuse you can beat your wife, eggs, and meat; but you can't beat a blow job.
YOU KNOW THAT THE MEXICANS NOW HAVE THEIR ONW PHONE SYSTEM? They call it
Taco Bell.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 09:53:48 EST5EDT
From: Wayne Wood <WAYNE@PHYRES.LAN.MCGILL.CA>
Subject: Tennis ball
Early one morning I was out jogging and came across a brand new
tennis ball on the sidewalk just outside the fence of the local
private tennis club. The club had not opened yet and it was fairly
obvious noone was desperately seeking their tennis ball so I decided
to keep it. Problem was, I had no pockets to put it in, so I decided
to stuff it down the front of my jogging shorts.
A couple of blocks later, my path merged with a female jogger who ran
alongside for a few blocks. As we ran she kept glancing at
the bulge in the front of my shorts and finally asked "Tennis ball?".
"Yeah", I replied in astonishment, "how did you figure that out"?
To which she replied, "Because I had tennis elbow once".
Wayne
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 07:16:14 PST
From: alvarez <alvarez@ADA.COM>
Subject: Sexual Jokes (minor offensive?)
#1 Which of the following doesn't belong:
Your dog;An egg; All night sex?
You can beat your dog; You can beat an egg; but you can't beat all
night sex!!
#2 Why didn't the dumb blond breast feed her children?
It hurt too much to boil her nipples.
#3 Why did the dumb blond stop wearing a training bra?
Because the wheels were beginning to look really stupid.
#4 Why did the dumb blond bring her vibrator to the restaurant?
She saw a sign that read "First come, First served"
#5 What's the difference between "ooh" and " ahh"?
About 2 inches.
#6 What do you call a nun who's had a sex change?
A Transister
----------------------------------------Alive in the Superunkown------
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 08:48:43 PST
From: John Kenny <jkenny@TELOGY1.COM>
Subject: Fox Rock-N-Roll Skating Championships
Tuesday night, January 17, 1995 Fox held the Rock-N-Roll Skating Championships.
- Enough Said!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 13:33:07 -0500
From: Timothy Abicht <ERIOND@AOL.COM>
Subject: You Know You're Going to Have a Bad Day
You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .
. . . your twin sister forgets your birthday.
. . . you wake up face down on the pavement.
. . . you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
. . . you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
. . . you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.
. . . your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
. . . your only son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own
business.
. . . you want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party, and there
aren't any.
. . . you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of
your city.
. . . the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your
wife.
. . . you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize
that you don't have a water bed.
. . . your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group
of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
. . . you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver saying that
you're
no longer funny
. . . your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
. . . you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads:
"WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!"
. . . your ex-lover calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that
you'd
better get the Test
. . . you wake up at work naked in front of your co-workers
. . . when someone accuses you of faking humor
. . . your lover tells you, "I'm sub-letting another apartment and the
movers are here to move me."
. . . you log on to get your e-mail only to find 74 flames over that het
joke
you never posted
. . . you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up
. . . you need your chocoholic fix and the government just banned chocolate!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 11:49:00 PST
From: Jeff Rollosson Halbhuber <JeffRH@ASYMETRIX.COM>
Subject: FW: There is justice!
<forwards judging books by their covers>
----------
good news for men everywhere.... : -P
There is justice in this world after all! As I was reading the
February issue of Glamour magazine at the gym, when a picture of a pair
of men's briefs (with a man in them) caught my eye. The accompanying
article described the briefs as "giving you a toned, firm look without
the work out" - yes, men's briefs with padded buns! But wait there's
more! The guy can also insert a special "enhancer" in the front of
these briefs to make the most of what he has (or not). I laughed so
hard I almost fell off the stairmaster - it's the Wonderjock for men!
With the Wonderbra and and now the Wonderjock, so much for truth in
advertising!
--------------
You know, something that makes this even more amusing is that a Seattle TV
Show called "Almost Live" (sort of our local version of Saturday Night
Live) did a fake commercial for a product called "WonderBrief"... It was
poking fun at just this sort of idea, a product for men equivalent to the
WonderBra. The bit consisted mostly of shots (from behind) of a man
walking down the street and the reactions of women as he passed by. The
reactions were typically of eyes widening and obviously staring at waist
level, and then turning around for a second look with expressions of
interest/admiration as the man walked past. I think the tagline/punchline
was something like "Let them Wonder.." It was a riot. And now to hear
that a product like this actually exists? HAR!
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 16:05:30 -0500
From: Lee Bradley <lbradley@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: Horticulture <one bad word>
Teacher: Timothy, make a sentence with "horticulture."
Timothy: You can lead a whore to culture, but you can't
make her think.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 16:49:46 -0500
From: Jay Harman <jharman@BCFREENET.SEFLIN.LIB.FL.US>
Subject: Quotations
"Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is
longing to go back to."....Ashleigh Brilliant
"Things are more like they are now than they have ever been
before.".....Dwight David Eisenhower
"In a fight between you and the world, bet on the world.".....Franz Kafka
"Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too
long.".....Ogden Nash
"Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there
is no need to do so, almost everybody gets busy on the proof.".....John
Kenneth Galbraith
"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't
know.".....Mark Twain
"Things will get better - despite our efforts to improve them.".....Will
Rogers
"The pure and simply truth is rarely pure and never simple.".....Oscar Wilde
"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the
truth even if it costs them their job.".....Samuel Goldwyn
"I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I
thought: What the hell good would that do?".....Ronnie Shakes
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 18:23:30 EDT
From: Dan Hotopp <tron!ami1.bwi.wec.com!HOTOPP@UUNET.UU.NET>
Subject: Vehicles to cruise the Infobahn
In the wake of continuing public awareness about the so called
"Information Super Highway", or "Infobahn", here is a guide to the
different protocols and applications which you can use to cruise...
OSI
This sleek black car has obviously been long years in the design
process - almost everything has been thought of, down to the last
detail. Unfortunately, it is 500 metres long, weighs 300 tons, and has
no accelerator pedal. It takes a long time to get going, but once it
reaches its top speed (15 mph), it takes a lot to stop it. A gentle
hill will usually do the trick...
TCP/IP
This hillbilly pickup truck has the most crazy assortment of add ons
you can possibly imagine, but underneath there is a deceptively simple,
rust-free chassis. You can also hear the purr of an obviously
turbo-charged V8 engine underneath the clutter, but it's getting
harder to find. It'll do 0-60 in 4 seconds, but it has no
brakes. Brakes? Who needs brakes? Just jam a crowbar in the axle and
lock the wheels...
WWW
This is a huge freeway system, with roads crossing roads all over the
place. Exits flash past at bewildering speed, and before long you can
think you're lost beyond hope of ever being found. However, if you
know where you want to go, you're okay, since you can guarantee that
there will be at least a dozen ways to get there. Unfortunately,
they're all off that road underneath you. So you just have to work out
how to get there...
Mosaic
This is a huge tour bus, the very latest air conditioned, luxury
model. It'll take you wherever you want to go, as long as there is a
5-lane freeway right to the doorstep, otherwise get off and walk (it's
quicker). Oh, and the highway is jammed with hundreds of other buses
full of Japanese tourists busy taking photos and writing articles
about the anarchic freedom of the highways, whilst sitting in a huge
traffic jam waiting to get into Gracelands.
ftp
This is a sleek bare-bones sports car with an ultra aerodynamic
body. It will take you where you want to go in the blink of a second
and you can fill the boot with as much stuff as you want. However,
there is no windscreen, 184 gears, and you have to type in a 12 digit
number from memory to tell it where to go.
telnet
This is a reliable old family saloon car. It never breaks down, can
fit down any road, no matter how small and twisty, and performs well
no matter what the road conditions. However, it goes at the same speed
on a 6 lane autobahn as on a dirt track, and it steers like a 12 ton
truck.
X Windows
This is a flashy red convertible, with electric windows, doors,
sunroof etc. Inside, you can alter the position of the steering wheel,
the layout of all the controls and instruments, the sound of the horn,
and the colour of any of the fittings. It is the ultimate accessory
for the power user, and gives you many happy years of pleasure. It is
only when you get out of the car that you realise that you never left
the drive.
Windows 95
This car is in such great demand that your order cannot be delivered
until next year. However, when you do get it, it looks great, a big
improvement over the Windows 3 model, and it boasts a big "Highway
Ready" sticker in the back window, which means you finally get to
leave the car park. You get inside, and press the big red "Go
InfoBahn" button on the dashboard. You wait for the g force. Nothing
happens for 10 minutes, then the square wheels fall off.
------------------------------
Date: Wed, 18 Jan 1995 20:08:07 -0500
From: TK Baltimore <tkbalt@MINERVA.CIS.YALE.EDU>
Subject: Humor: Interviews
>Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest
>corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing
>prospective employees:
>
>A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
>
>Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the
>interviewer and the music at the same time.
>
>Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
>
>Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and
>French fries in the interviewers office.
>
>Candidate explained that her long-term goal was to replace the interviewer.
>
>Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept
>in a closet in Mexico.
>
>Balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes
>later wearing a headpiece.
>
>Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the
>corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
>
>Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to
>answer specific interview questions.
>
>Candidate brought large dog to interview.
>
>Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed standing up.
>
>Candidate dozed off during interview.
------------------------------
End of HUMOR Digest - 17 Jan 1995 to 18 Jan 1995
************************************************