Topics of the day:
1. bunny joke <nice, maybe off. to fruit-sellers>
2. Fortune Cookies (suggestive)
3. St. Peter joke
4. Irish
5. unlikely endorsements (part 2) (something to offend everyone)
6. High I.Q. <off. to drummers>
7. The story of Mel Famy
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 10:14:03 GMT
From: Kuno Sandholzer <k.sand@MAGNET.AT>
Subject: bunny joke <nice, maybe off. to fruit-sellers>
This little bunny was hopping to the market and asked the fruit-seller,
"You have parfume?"; the fruit-seller kindly answered, "No, I do not" and
so the bunny hopped away.
Next day the bunny came hopping by again "You have parfume?" and again
the fruit-seller kindly answered, "No, I do not".
Well, this happened again each day the next week and so the fruit-seller
thought by herself, "I should get parfume for this poor little bunny" -
so she did.
Next day the bunny hopped to the fruit-seller and asked again "You have
parfume?" So she proudly answered "Yes, by now I have"
Said the bunny "You should use!"
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 09:39:48 GMT-5
From: "Joe F. Walenciak" <JWALENCI@ACC.JBU.ARKNET.EDU>
Subject: Fortune Cookies (suggestive)
There is a humorous little "game" you can play every time you go into
a Chinese restaurant. Tell everyone that when they open their
fortune cookies, they must immediately read it aloud and include the
words "...in bed" at the end. It is fun to go around the table and
have everybody read theirs.
Example:
"You will receive an unexpected windfall...in bed."
It always works!!
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 11:50:32 EDT
From: Ann Dellarocco <anndell@RDZ.STJOHNS.EDU>
Subject: St. Peter joke
Date: May l4, 1995
From: Ann Dellarocco (anndell@rdz.stjohns.edu)
Subject: St. Peter joke (off. to RC and First Lady)
The President died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he
was met by St. Peter, who said: "I will have to take you to Jesus
who will ask you one question before you are eligible to enter
heaven. When he gets to heaven, God says: "What did you do on
earth?"
Clinton replied: "I was President of the US and ran the country."
God: "Fine, come over here and sit at my right side."
Shortly thereafter, Al Gore died. Went to heaven, met St. Peter
and was taken to God.
God said: "What did you do when you were on earth?"
Gore: "I was VP of the U.S."
God: "Fine, pointing to his left side, sit over here."
Several months later, Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven
where she was approached by St. Peter who took her to God.
Hillary, facing God, says: "Get up, you are sitting in my seat."
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 12:35:53 -0400
From: Jack Tanner <Fatjac@AOL.COM>
Subject: Irish
Pat goes into the bar on a crutch,his arm in a sling and bandages all over
his head.
The bartender says " My God Pat,what the hell happened to you?"
Pat says " I got in a brouhaha with Riley."
The bartender says " But Riley's just a wee man and you're full grown. He
must of had something in his hand."
Pat says "That he did, a shovel."
The bartender says " My God man, didn't you have anything in your hand?"
Pat says "That I did. The breast of Mrs. Riley. Beautiful thing it was but
not much use in a fight."
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 13:18:04 -0500
From: "March L. Warn" <mwarn01@MAIL.COIN.MISSOURI.EDU>
Subject: unlikely endorsements (part 2) (something to offend everyone)
21) Argentine National Rugby Team: Tyson Frozen Foods
22) Sharon Stone: Hanes Her Way underwear
23) Brnadon Lee: Remington brand blank pistol cartridges
24) O. J. Simpson: Isotoner gloves, Buck Knives or For Bronchos
25) Peewee Herman: London Fog trench coats
26) Lyle Lovett: Brylcream
27) George Wallace: The United Negro College Fund
28) Pope John Paul II: Sex Wax ski products
29) David Crosby: The "Just Say No" campaign
30) Tonya Harding: The Club
31) Stevie Wonder: Sony Watchman
32) Madonna: Maidenform bras
33) Mrs. Smith: Playschool infant car seats
34) Willie Nelson: H & R Block
35) Joyclin Elders: Everready Batteries
36) Buddy Holly: Delta Airlines
37) Ice T: The Policemens' Benevolent Association
38) Bob Dole: The Annual World Federation of Arm Wrestling Contest
39) Tom and Roseann Arnold: Marraige Encounter
40) The Society of Friends (Quakers): HBO's Jean Claud Van Dam
Film Festival
returning control of your monitor to you
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 16:58:50 EDT
From: MR LYLE J KINNAMAN <FVKM43A@PRODIGY.COM>
Subject: High I.Q. <off. to drummers>
Why is a drummer's I.Q. just one point higher than a horse's? So he
won't crap during the parade. Lyle's Joke Boutique.
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Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 21:48:01 -0400
From: Larry Scott <scott@BUFFNET.NET>
Subject: The story of Mel Famy
Back in the good ol' days when the Montreal Expos played at Jarry
Park (where you could buy a mess of French Fries for 25 cents and that
nectar of the gods, Molson, was cheap), the Braves had a relief pitcher
named Mel Famey. Mel Famey was a fantastic last inning reliever, but he did
have a weakness for buying beer from the beer vendors during the
game. Usually this was not a problem since he could pitch well after five
or six beers and he would only reach this level in ninth inning.
One day in Montreal, the game went into the twentieth inning before the
Braves took a lead. All the while, Mel Famey found the Molson to be
irresistable. In the bottom of the twentieth inning, the Expos loaded the
bases with two out.
The call went out to Mel Famey. Mel came in and threw four pitches in
the dirt to walk in the tying run. Then he missed the plate by three
feet on the next four pitches, walking in the winning run. The Expos
were in amazement as they followed Mel back to the bullpen to see why he
had pitched so poorly. There they saw a pile of dead Molsons and their
manager said,
"That's the beer that made Mel Famey walk us."
Originally from Ross Adair <ross.adair@f10.n392.z1.fidonet.org>
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End of HUMOR Digest - 13 May 1995 to 14 May 1995
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