Topics of the day:
1. Hale's Used Cars (Punny)
2. Drunk joke and One very off to Jews
3. Dark Humour: Offensive to animal lovers
4. PRIEST AND RABBI <ABUSIVE TO RELIGIOUS>
5. MARIA WEET RAAD<SEX>
6. Immortal Porpoises
7. Why do guys... {sexual}
8. Prescription, Stork, Law + Murphy
9. Humor: Apartment rental guide
10. Lawn & Garden [non-offensive]
11. The Twelve Commandments of Flaming (fwd)
12. potato joke <mildly offensive>
13. Life 7.R
14. Parrot joke <contains the f word>
15. Ventriloquist <highly suggestive>
16. Four short jokes, somewhat tasteless
17. Oklahoma City (off to a Police Department...)
18. Vt Gov's Bodyguards <true story>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Wed, 26 Apr 1995 23:06:51 -0500
From: Wendell E Gragg <wgragg@TENET.EDU>
Subject: Hale's Used Cars (Punny)
My apologies to Mr. Child if this is already in the book, but...
One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from
the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and
as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could
drive herself to the store and save alot of shoe leather, time and aching
muscles. She walks into the car dealership and just so happens, gets the
owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to
do with hate or anger."
The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury!
We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"
The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she
reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the
shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."
To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this
color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"
"No son, I want this color."
"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would
suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.
By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the
owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of
the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the
disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.
The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"
(Groan)
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 09:24:28 CET
From: Piotr pLebaniak <PLEBAN@PLEARN.EDU.PL>
Subject: Drunk joke and One very off to Jews
1. A very very drunk guy enters a taxi cub. šNote: in Polish there's a
special, very funny sounding idiom to describe a drunk, it's "drunken as
(or IN) a barnš So he enters and the driver asks, "Where?" The guy
slowly answers, "HOoo..Hoooome". The driver asks again: "Could you be
more specific?" "Yeee... to... the living room"
Warning! F word in the two next jokes!!!!!
2.Minor variation: A drunk in a barn guy walks into a taxi and starts
to undress himself. The cub driver says, "Hey, what're you doing, you're
not home!!!" The drunk: " Fuck! I left my shoes outside!!"
3. A Jew enters a Church (I forgot how to spell in English a Jewish church)
and begins to prey very loudly to God for He send him 100$.
The rest of people is very angry at him. Yet the Jew kneels in the very
midst of the church and begs God for the 100$ not concerned by others.
At last a very respectable Rabbi walks to him, opens valet and gives him
a 100$ bill, "Yeah, take this and GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE 'cos
we're begging not that ridiculous sum.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 04:52:18 -0400
From: Axel Gerhard <agerhard@FREENET.NIAGARA.COM>
Subject: Dark Humour: Offensive to animal lovers
Owe this "gem" to a co-worker who prefers to remain anonymous.
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
You pour gasoline all over the cat and when you drop a match on it,
WOOF!
Now how do you make a dog go "meow"?
You take a dog and put it in a freezer for 4 or 5 days. Then you take
out the dog and when you run it through a circular saw it goes
MEEOW!
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 12:25:33 LCL
From: Ben Shaul <UO516@IBMVM.HAI.IEC.CO.IL>
Subject: PRIEST AND RABBI <ABUSIVE TO RELIGIOUS>
HY JAMES HOW ABOUT THIS ?
THE RABBI AND HIS FRIEND THE PRIEST WHERE SITING IN THE CONFESSION
BOOTH.THE FIRST CONFESSOR SAYS "FORGIVE ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED.
I DRANK TWO BOTTLE OFF WINE AND HAD SEX ON THE COUCH"
THE PRIEST SAYS TO HER "SAY TEN HAIL MARYS AS AN ACT OF CONTRITION"
THE SECOND CONFESSOR SAYS "FORGIVE ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED.
I DRANK THREE BOTTLES OFF WINE AND HAD WONDERFUL , AMAZING ,
GORGEOUS SEX , O FATHER , ON THE CARPET"
THE PRIEST SAYS TO HER "SAY TEN HAIL MARYS AS AN ACT OF CONTRITION"
SUDDENLY HE GOT A PHONE CALL SO HE ASK THE RABBI TO TAKE HIS PLACE
FOR THE NEXT CONFESSION.
SHE CAME AND SAYS "FORGIVE ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED. I DRANK
ONE BATTLE OF WIN AND HAD SEX IN BAD"
SO THE RABBI SAYS "GO HOME DRINK TWO MORE BATTLES OF WINE THEN CALL ME"
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 12:04:21 GMT-1DFT
From: THE MARSHAL <T.KERKHOF@HSBOS.NL>
Subject: MARIA WEET RAAD<SEX>
This is from a teletext page in Holland called "Maria weet raad."
young people write their problems and maria answers them.
(in Dutch to finger means to fingerfuck)
The letter went as follows.
a 16-year old anonymous writes.
Since a few months I'm going steady with a girl. We have done IT
three times. But last she asked me if I would "finger" her, so I took
her hand. My girlfriend started laughing. WHAT DID I DO WRONG ???Dennis a.k.a. Pilsje a.k.a. Marshal
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
IF I HAVE OFFENDED YOU AND YOU TOOK IT IN A PERSONNAL WAY. THEN
PERSONALLY I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. 'CAUSE WHAT I JUST SAID WAS VERY
SO TRUE, I MEAN, LIKE VERY TRUE. SO IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT, FUCK YOU!!!
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 06:46:53 -0400
From: Larry Scott <scott@BUFFNET.NET>
Subject: Immortal Porpoises
A few years ago, there was a really eccentric oil tycoon who had
taken it into his head to collect really strange and exotic pets.
One day, deciding to add to his collection, he walked into the store of
an exotic pet shop and said to the salesman, "Show me the most unusual
pet you have in stock!"
The salesman took him to an outside tank, in which a pod of
dolphins were frolicking happily. "These may LOOK like ordinary
dolphins," he told the man, "but these were given to us to sell by a
genetics research group studying ways to genetically reduce aging in
humans. It seems the experiment was a success on these little guys.
They can't survive out in the wild anymore, they're too tame, but as
long as they don't catch any severe debilitating diseases, they will
live more or less forever." The man is impressed, and being the wealthy
man that he is, drops the cash to buy the dolphins and have a suitable
home for them installed in his backyard.
The man became quite attached to his pets and took very good care
of them, and they frolicked about in their tank happily for nearly
fifteen years, much longer than any of his other pets had ever
survived.
The man spared no expense for their care, and seriously considered
leaving his multi-million dollar estate to them in his will. But
one day they began to seem a little droopy and not very energetic.
Alarmed, the man rang for the vet, who told him that alas, his precious
dolphins had contracted a rare icthyoid disease, and the only antibiotic
for them had to be derived from the feathers of the blue savannah parrot
that lived on the jungle fringes of Africa.
The man didn't think twice. He called up his travel agent and
booked the next day's flight to Africa, and rented a jeep and a guide and
pack boy to help him bag some of these parrots. They drove up to the edge
of the jungle, stopped the jeep and trudged into the trees on an old
native hunting trail, nets in hand. After about six hours of this, they
had bagged two of the parrots, and the man decided that would be enough
feather to make enough antibiotic for his pets. So he trudges back out
toward the jeep - and freezes. A huge, stately lion had decided to take
a nap right in the middle of the path between him and the jeep. He looks
over his shoulder and realizes that his companions have fled leaving him
literally holding the bag, and the growth is too thick on either side of
the trail to make it past without waking the lion. So he backs up about
fifty feet, gets a running start, and leaps over the beast and makes a
dash for the jeep and drives off for the airport.
Just as he is nearing sight of the airport, he hears a siren and
sees some flashing lights. He dutifully pulls over, and a policeman
steps up to him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, but you're under arrest - "
The man interrupts him, "Oh, please, officer, I'll pay any fine
at all! I need to get these parrots back so I can make a vaccine
for my dolphins so they don't die!"
"Well, sir," the policeman replies, "I'm afraid that's the root
of the problem. I have to arrest you for taking mynahs over the
stately lion for immortal porpoises."
Originally From: BOB JOHNSTONE
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 07:22:25 E
From: Charlie Hill <hill@MARYWOOD1.MARYWOOD.EDU>
Subject: Why do guys... {sexual}
Taken from the SEX-L List:
Why do guys name their dicks?
Because we can't stand having a stranger make our decisions for us!"
ta-dump
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 19:05:34 GMT+1200
From: "Marvin Bruce M. Galero" <MARVIN@CEAC3B.USC.EDU.PH>
Subject: Prescription, Stork, Law + Murphy
An invitation to dinner had been sent to a newly settled physician and in
reply the hostess received a letter so hopelessly scrawled that she was
unable to make out whether it was an acceptance or otherwise.
Said her husband: "Take it to the druggist. Druggists can always read
doctors' writing no matter how bad it is."
She did so. After looking at the letter a moment, the druggist went to
the rear of the store. In five minutes, he returned with a bottle.
"There you are, Madam. That will be fifty cents."
-------------------
Nurse : Do you want to see the cute little baby brother the stork brought
your mother?
Junior: Heck no! I want to see the stork. Is it jet propelled?
-------------------
The judge interrupted proceedings to observe: "Ignorance of the law is no
excuse in the eyes of the law."
"I should like to ask, Your Honor," inquired the prosecuting Attorney,
"if your remarks are addressed to the defendant or to his lawyer."
-------------------
Murphy of the day:
-------------------
Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is in
inverse ratio to its desirability.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 10:44:39 -0400
From: JBologna James Bologna <JBOLOGNA@BENTLEY.EDU>
Subject: Humor: Apartment rental guide
The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering in California
- from a post by Justine Ehlers
**********************************************
What They Say What It Means
============= =============
spacious hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car
that's why we're charging $200 above the going rate
easy access to Particularly in Mountain View and Sunnyvale, this
transportation can mean:
(a) in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks
(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway
(d) a&b, b&c, a&c above
(e) all of the above
friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality
free utilities That's the only way we can entice people in this dump.
Would you pay THIS rent AND the water & garbage?
heated pool only when the sun's out
only when there's water in it
great views reach out and touch your neighbor!
overlooking the garbage dumpster
overlooking the pool
overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment
affordable to:
(a) anyone with an income of $100 K
(b) anyone with wealthy parents
(c) anyone who is wealthy
(d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing
pets welcome kids aren't
we just never got the odor out
AEK All Electricity Kancelled
EEk!
W/D Will be Disgusted
Worried/Depressed people
AC Atrocious Carpeting
WWC Wall to Wall Crap
great rent bargains! located in East Palo Alto
(Your insurance will not cover bullet holes in car, self
-protection devices, frequent theft &/or life insurance)
light and airy built as cheap as we could
cold and drafty
secure parking the manager's apartment overlooks the parking lot
"No one's been robbed on the street."
covered parking
move in bonus! no one else wants it
it hasn't been rented in six months
includes last tenant's stuffed parrot
rustic classic 60's decor
nothing has been fixed since the Loma Prieta earthquake
outhouse is in the back
only one heating vent
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 10:49:48 -0400
From: "Donald J. Hickman" <HaComedy@AOL.COM>
Subject: Lawn & Garden [non-offensive]
From Contemporary Comedy
If I could only grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my
refrigerator.
I wear a mask when I mow. I'm ashamed to be seen on my lawn.
The only thing I grow really well is fireant mounds.
Last year I won a blue ribbon at the Weed Show.
It was terrible. I dreamed I was kidnapped by the Jolly Green Giant and
mulched.
For more, e-mail HaComedy@aol.com
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 10:54:27 -0400
From: "Aditya, The Hindu Skeptic" <a018967t@BCFREENET.SEFLIN.LIB.FL.US>
Subject: The Twelve Commandments of Flaming (fwd)
To help other members on the HUMOR-P list who are offended by Paul
Robinson or my earlier posting, I am posting an easy tool to flame since
those who do not belong to HUMOR-P cannot direct their flame to the list
anyway.
*************************************************************************
reposted from (yes) rec.humor
1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies
sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." "Clearly, Brian
Hillis is a racist, and a dirtball to boot."
2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of
Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified
to psychoanalyze your opponent. "Peach Pshawski (God Bless You!), by using
the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of .........."
3. Cross-post your flames: Everyone on the net is just waiting for the next
literary masterpiece to leave your terminal. From OPINION to EZ-READER to
PETS to CHIT-CHAT, they're all holding their breaths until your next flame.
Therefore, post everywhere.
4. Conspiracies abound: If everyone's against you, the reason can't
*possibly* be that you're a #anatomypart@. There's obviously a conspiracy
against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it.
5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin &
Yang of flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good
form. "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, |Didley has libelled
me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, |Didley."
6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Ralph Gagliano states
outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand
documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Ralph's pasta
preferences, then Ralph's obviously lying.
7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of
flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per
article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum", "vini, vidi, vici",
"fetuccini alfredo".
8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince
them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a
member of Mensa or Mega or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you
received on every exam since high school. "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs,
GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic'".
9. Accuse your opponent of censorship. It is your right as an American
citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the net (as guaranteed by the
37th Amendment, I think). Anyone who tries to limit your cross-posting or
move a flame war to Netusers is either a communist, a fascist, or both.
10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have
you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them
by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of
flamers' logic.
11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.
12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this
one. At some point during your wonderful career as a flamer you will
undoubtedly end up in a flame war with someone who is better than you. This
person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, make you look
generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do: insult
the dirtbag!!! "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with
..........."
The Golden Rule of Flaming:
My flames will be witty, insulting, interesting, funny, caustic, or
sarcastic, but never, ever, will they be boring.
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 13:08:38 EST
From: "BARNES,LARRY J." <LBARNES@MUSIC.TRANSY.EDU>
Subject: potato joke <mildly offensive>
Two college students, Jim and Johnny, are visiting Fort Lauderdale at
spring break. Jim notices the other with females hanging on his every
word hugging and carressing him, and he is puzzled. That night as they
bed down under the dock, he says," Hey, what is it with you, anyway? You
got women all over you!" The other whispers, " I'll tell you my sec-
ret. Slip a potato into your pants. They cannot resist you." So the
next day, Jim appears suitable adorned, and again has no luck. That
night, he accosts Johnny. "Hey man, I did what you said. I put in the
potato and they still won't come near me!" "Well, maybe there's some-
thing wrong. Let me take a look...oh, no, man, the potato goes in the
front, man, in the *front.*"
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 10:34:34 -0700
From: Henry Cate <cate3@NETCOM.COM>
Subject: Life 7.R
Date: 5 Feb 92 16:50:44 PST (Wednesday)
----------------------------------------------------
I bought the latest computer;
it came fully loaded.
It was guaranteed for 90 days,
but in 30 was outmoded!
- The Wall Street Journal passed along by Big Red Computer's SCARLETT
From: vsnyder@jato.jpl.nasa.gov (Van Snyder)
When a Frosh, shortly after moving into the student house, one of the
Sophs propped a wastebasket full of water against my door. Naturally, it
flooded my room. So I ALMOST propped a wastebasket against his door.
When he opened it, I could almost hear him muttering "damn frosh don't
know how to pull an RF" as he was pouring it into his sink. But I'd
removed the gooseneck during dinner.
From: jeff@malibu.sedd.trw.com (The Buccaneer)
We have not succeeded in answering all our problems.
The answers we have found only serve to raise a whole
set of new questions. In some ways we feel we are as
confused as ever, but we are confused on a higher level
and about more important things.
----------------------------------------------------
From rec.humor.funny:
From: SHAMROCK@genie.com (Marc)
Subject: "Your mother should know"
"Personal" ad in local paper: David G. Contact me soon! Bring three rings:
Engagement, wedding and teething. Have news. Debbie.
From: bryan@cs.utexas.edu (Bryan Bayerdorffer @ Wit's End)
Subject: Devilish one-liner
If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee.
From: merriam@ecst.csuchico.edu (Charles Merriam)
Subject: Programming the hard way
I Made this up after we hired a programmer from Hewlett-Packard.
A programmer for Hewlett-Packard went to the doctor complaining
about pain in her wrists. The doctor poked and prodded her (with
cold instruments) for a while and issued of a prognosis.
"You have carpal tunnel syndrome, but its in its early stages.
You should be able to continue work, but you should give up
half of your programming."
"Which half? Writing memos about it or attending meetings about it?"
----------------------------------------------------
The following are from Spaf's collection:
From: pjs@euclid.jpl.nasa.gov (Peter Scott)
Subject: Whose country is it?
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Found in _Maps of the Mind_, by Charles Hampden-Turner:
A man was hitchhiking across the country just prior to a
presidential election and had hit upon a technique for getting
free drinks in bars by guessing which candidate was less popular
and then loudly badmouthing them. He went into a bar in Colorado
and yelled, "Carter is a horse's ass!" To his surprise, he was
promptly thrown outside into the dirt. He picked himself up and
went into another bar, shouting, "Reagan is a horse's ass!" Seconds
later, he was eating dust again.
Seeing a cowboy nearby, he called out, "Hey, fella! If this ain't
Carter country and it ain't Reagan country, whose country is it?"
The cowboy replied, "Son, this is *horse* country!"
From: gkn@Sdsc.Edu (Gerard K. Newman)
Subject: bats and the F-117 stealth
I attended a presentation (unclassified) on the F-117 a while ago
(when the Air Force finally admitted that it existed), and among
the interesting tidbits discussed about the aircraft was that the
largest radar cross section is the pilot's helmet ...
From: bostic@okeeffe.CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
>From an article in this week's *SF Weekly* on Cuba:
"They call this scientific Marxism," said one, bitter at the
lack of opportunities and angry at the government. "But if it
were really scientific, they would have tried it out on rats
first."
--
Henry Cate III <cate3@netcom.com>
The Life collection maintainer, selections of humor from the internet
Oppurtunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in
overalls and looks like work. - Thomas Edison
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 14:13:59 -0500
From: James Thorson <jthorson@CWIS.UNOMAHA.EDU>
Subject: Parrot joke <contains the f word>
Pauly was a delightful parrot that everyone enjoyed talking to, and he
took special pleasure in socializing with the guests at his owners'
frequent cocktail parties. People loved to talk with him and feed him
goodies; indeed, he was often seen as the life of the party.
He had one failing, however; Pauly was a horny little devil. He had a
bad habit of going across the road and terrorizing the chickens that the
neighbor kept. He was a fowl rapist. Oftentimes his owner would have to
make excuses to the neighboring farmer when Pauly had been up to no good.
A particularly egregious incident of chicken screwing really landed
Pauly in hot water. His owner said to him, "I just don't know what to do
with you! I've threatened you, I've pleaded with you, I've punished you,
but nothing I can do seems to keep you out of the chicken house. So, I'm
going to try one last thing: I'm going to humiliate you. Tonight, you'll
not be allowed to hop about and entertain the guests that are coming.
Instead, I'm going to shave your head as a sign of shame and make you stay
on the piano where everyone can see you."
Pauly took it hard that night, standing there on the piano with a shaved
head and not being able to interact with the guests. Each time a couple
came into the drawing room they'd look over a Pauly and have a laugh at
his expense, which made matters all the worse. This worked its intended
effect two bald gentlemen came in together.
Pauly took a look at them and said, "Okay, you chicken fuckers, up here
on the piano with me."
***************************************************************************
Jim Thorson, failed animal rights activist
***************************************************************************
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 15:54:26 -0400
From: Lee Bradley <lbradley@GRITS.VALDOSTA.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: Ventriloquist <highly suggestive>
<<offensive to Basques, shepherds, and sodomites>>
An itinerant cowboy ventriloquist was traveling alone one evening out in the
Far West and happened upon a Basque shepherd who was just making camp for the
night. "May I sit a while by your fire?" asked the cowboy. "Certainly,"
replied the Basque, "let me give you some food as well." The cowboy
decided that he would repay these kindnesses by entertaining the Basque,
so he said, "Do you mind if I talk to your horse over there?" He asked
the horse how it liked its work and its master, and the horse "replied,"
"I have a good time out here, and I enjoy serving my kind master."
The Basque was amazed: "That's the first time I ever heard a
horse talk, and to think it's MINE!" Encouraged by this naivete, the
ventriloquist cowboy continued, "Do you mind if I have a word or two with
your dog?" "Go right ahead," said the Basque, eager to see what the dog
would say.
"Said" the dog in reply to the cowboy's question, "Oh, he's a
wonderful master. He always treats me well and keeps me fed. I like
being with him." The Basque was just stop-in-your-tracks stunned!
"Do you mind if I ask that sheep over there a question or two?"
asked the cowboy. "Absolutely not!" screamed the Basque. "Everybody
knows that a sheep will lie!"
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 18:39:10 -0400
From: Santiago Arteaga <arteaga@CS.UMD.EDU>
Subject: Four short jokes, somewhat tasteless
-Your mamma knows something about mechanics ?
-No. Why do you ask?
-I just saw her in the street under a bus.
-At which time should a good girl go to bed?
-At 9:00 ; she must be home by 11:00.
A couple are 69'ing when suddenly the boy says:
-The archbishop of Essex is going under surgery to remove some
kidney stones. Phicisians are confident in spite of his age.
-What?!?
-I really wish you stopped wiping your ass with newspapers.
-How do you call a bunch of guys without arms or legs at the
bottom of a pit?
-Tetris.
With apologies for my english,
Santi
------------------------------
Date: Fri, 28 Apr 1995 09:38:28 JST
From: Maurizio MORABITO <b0017@NIBH.GO.JP>
Subject: Oklahoma City (off to a Police Department...)
-Why the investigations on the bombing are so efficient and reliable?
-LAPD officers hasn't been allowed to cooperate
===
ciao
maurizio
------------------------------
Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 21:45:00 EST
From: Allan Arthur <0007295588@MCIMAIL.COM>
Subject: Vt Gov's Bodyguards <true story>
About two years ago, Vermont's governor, Howard Dean M.D., took a vacation out
west. He was accompanied by a state trooper at considerable public cost.
When questioned about this on a radio show, he said it was a judgement call
whether to take a bodyguard or not. However, he said he would never go to to
New York City without one. The last time he was there, the driver of the car
in front got out and pulled a gun on a squeegee guy.
------------------------------
End of HUMOR Digest - 26 Apr 1995 to 27 Apr 1995
************************************************